by Angela Hryniuk
When the drama of emotions wears itself out, the calmness of serenity arises and the truth emerges. When the veils of confusion are lifted the dawn of acceptance, of forgiveness, of self-love breaks through.
It’s pretty radical to think and to experience the fact that there is only love, and all else in conditioning and a learned program. Radical. Yet true.
In a state of waiting our work becomes learning deeper levels of patience, equanimity, observation and subtler levels of self-love, self-assurance, self-possession and confidence. None of these are come by easily and without a struggle or fight from the ego. Something must die in order for space to be made for those qualities to deepen. We must cultivate patience in the times of watching parts of our “identity” die, and we must holdfast to our composure, faith and trust during the times when this inner dying is occurring and the new confidence and strength has yet to be born. There is a universal moment of waiting that can take days, weeks or months to arrive that we must live through with grace, faith and poise.
So one must first know what the meaning of self assurance, self confidence, self possession are before we can hold these states and especially in a state of equanimity, equilibrium or balance. When one loves oneself deeply and fully and can hold oneself gently in times of strife and in an equanimous way where neither left nor right is right or wrong; where up or down is neither good nor bad knowing that all is good, we move into mastery. This is a state of mastery of self-love. Every direction, every possibility can only bring about evolution and change for humanity and one can be patient, composed and ready for whatever it is that needs to appear and let it appear in its own time.
Stillness. Poise. In a time of waiting, one needs poise. Timing in life is always a factor. The perfect moment always arrives. To be in time /on time poise is always necessary. It is the state when one is absolutely ready for chronos and kyros to meet. It is key to when the eternal, vertical moment of kyros and the horizontal, earthbound chronos energy of life collide; one must be ready to accept what occurs. Poise: the positioning of oneself with grace while listening intently to the situation at hand. We can call it bearing, composure, self-assurance, deportment, dignity, self-confidence, carriage, good posture. The Random House College Dictionary defines it thus:
A state of balance or equilibrium as from equality or equal distribution; dignified, self-possession; the state or position of hovering; to adjust, hold or carry in equilibrium, balance evenly.
It is in this balancing evenly that not giving up hope is the toughest. Having faith and continuously surrendering to what the next moment or day will bring becomes the work. Watching the bank account lessen and the line of credit increase is the work. Watching the daily decisions about food being bought, bills being paid and paying attention to the feelings at every step, is the work. Intention is the key and with poise the only intention at this point is for clarity and to be of highest service. We must enjoy our life supremely while we’re in the holding pattern.
The Divine, the Universe, the Field, God, the Buddhas, Allah, Jawah, whatever name you want to call it, never takes us to the top of the heap to drop us off. We are all being called to higher duty, and for that to happen we must dig deeper within for more self-confidence, self-assuredness, self-possession. These all must be equally distributed in our being, must be embodied fully in order for the next marching orders to appear. We wait and we wait. Some of us busy ourselves in the waiting which makes for a more difficult time in the hearing of what it is we are to hear. As the Sufi poet Hafiz wrote, the Divine can only pour water into a still jug.
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